


Cop Car

by YouAreMySonnshine



Category: Archer (Cartoon)
Genre: Bonding, Cop Car, Developing Relationship, Friendship, Humor, M/M, detained, police questioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 17:17:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2118204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouAreMySonnshine/pseuds/YouAreMySonnshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were thinking that<br/>Running for it<br/>Would make a good story<br/>I was thinking you were crazy as hell<br/>And you were so<br/>Innocent<br/>But you were stealing my heart<br/>I fell in love in the back of a cop car</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cop Car

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this for a friend who shares the same enthusiasm for this song that I do. I got the idea a couple days before I started writing it, and since these two idiots are kind of like our babies, I kind of had to do it. Short, but sweet, and I hope entertaining.

“I'm not going to ask you again.” The look on the officer's face was completely serious, and so thoroughly fed up, his aggravation punctuated by the alternating flash of cruiser lights. Red, blue, red, blue, red, blue...  
Ray was also having none of it. For every bit of authority in the officer's face, a challenge echoed in his eyes, illuminated by the same red and blue shine.  
“I have. The right. To remain. Silent.” He repeated slowly, for about the tenth time.  
“And I'm going to get an answer no matter what. So why don't we do this the easy way, instead of making this harder than it has to be?”  
“I'm exercising my right to remain silent.” Ray repeated flatly, giving the officer a snide, pointed look.  
“...Either way, We're going to get it out of one of you.” The officer pointed out, his gaze now directing to Krieger, who had remained completely silent, up until that point. There was an uncomfortable pause.  
“...Ich spreche kein Englisch.” He replied slowly, a little bit nervous. The officer re-directed his disapproving gaze at Ray, saying nothing and demanding everything. Krieger also directed his attention to Ray, who didn't look the slightest bit concerned. A sudden wave of admiration for Ray hit him. Ray, who was so often on the receiving end of unpleasant jeering from Archer; Ray, who seemingly couldn't do anything right in Malory's opinion; Ray, who got taunted and snarked by almost every ISIS employee for almost everything about himself didn't seem at all thrown off at the threat of being arrested. Or going to jail. Or prison, probably, and the thought of that even concerned Krieger.  
“Don't look at me. I don't speak... German, or whatever that is.”  
Of course, the officer didn't look like he believed that for a second. Ironically though, Ray didn't speak German at all (Though he knew very well that Krieger did and was... And from context, he figured that he'd said something along the lines of denying the ability to understand English.)  
“The longer you play games, the longer this is going to take.” The officer began to try and reason with Ray, though he was doing a terrible job of it, because that fact was already terribly obvious. Ray gave him a dubious look, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.  
“Look, Officer Krupke, I know what my rights are, and you're just makin' a big ol' mess of all of 'em. I don't have to tell you anything. Even if I did tell you everything, it's inadmissible because I'm not under arrest.”  
“You're breaking and entering and refusing to talk! What makes you think you're not under arrest?!” It was quickly becoming evident that Ray's belligerence was speedily chipping away at what little patience the officer had left with him. Which, to Krieger's slight concern, didn't seem to be bothering Ray at all. What was more concerning about that was that even Krieger was feeling some small urge to start complying. Ray didn't seem to be on the same page at all- in fact, he was actually laughing.  
“You haven't even Mirandized us yet! How do you- hey!”  
The officer had finally had enough, and grabbed Ray by the collar, barking his rights at him as he stuffed him in the back of the cruiser, then turned to Krieger, who looked more concerned than ever. (Though, since he wasn't tormenting the police officer on purpose, he was merely escorted, as opposed to dragged.)  
He only caught the end of what Ray was hollering at the officer, though he'd been mouthing off since he'd first been grabbed.  
“...How you even still have a badge, because this is police brutality! ...I actually do have a question though.”  
“What?” The officer snapped, glaring down into the back seat.  
“You don't happen to have a lighter on you, do you?”  
Ray's question wasn't even dignified with a response, and Krieger had to momentarily fight the urge to actually laugh. Looking highly capable of homicide, the officer slammed the door shut and turned to stalk off toward the other patrol unit. Completely satisfied with himself, Ray snickered, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Each was cuffed, hands behind his back. Yet another mistake on the angry officer's part.  
“I was almost positive that he was going to taze you...” Krieger confessed, with a sidelong glance at Ray, who snorted dismissively.  
“You know, to be honest with you, I'm surprised he didn't.” he agreed, shifting again, and looking around.  
“But anything could happen. The night is young.”  
“...This is bad.” Krieger said, watching the two officers converse through the windshield.  
“This totally backfired. Not to mention I'm probably going to get killed for getting us arrested...”  
“Okay, first of all, this was a bad idea to begin with, and that's Malory's fault. And secondly, no one's gonna kill you. She'll find some way to blame this on me.” Ray spoke as he looked around, and Krieger noticed he didn't at all look worried. That was either very concerning or very reassuring.  
“Hey, how easy d'you think you could get outta these?” He asked, referring to the handcuffs. Well, that was even more concerning.  
“...Um.” Krieger paused, shifting forward to test the strength of his restraints.  
“...Fairly easy, I suppose? Why?”  
“So, he's gonna come back and open this door, and I'm gonna mule kick him as hard as I can, and we're gonna get the hell outta dodge. We got maybe three or four minutes. You think that's enough time?”  
Krieger physically turned where he sat and stared at Ray. Red and blue still flashed across his features, stone cold and set dead serious. That wave of admiration hit him again, along with a high level of concern. He could absolutely see what had qualified Ray as a field agent, and several things that qualified him as off his rocker. There was a determination set in the blonde's eyes that said he wasn't going down unless it was clawing, kicking, and swinging. And he WAS completely serious; or, at least he looked completely serious... And a little bit insane. (Which was saying something. By Krieger's standards, 'Crazy' was hard to do. He knew crazy.)  
“...You've completely lost your mind.” Was all he could think to say, staring at Ray, who scoffed and slouched back in his seat.  
“Well, there's not a whole heck of a lot for us to work with here. He took my gun.”  
And just what had he been planning on doing with that?!  
“...Um. You know, I'm usually all for far-fetched, crackpot ideas, but these particular ones sound like a surefire way to get worse than tazed.”  
“That's why you run serpentine.”  
Krieger didn't know what was more upsetting, the fact that Ray seemed so calm about this, or the fact that he seemed serious about it. Then there was the fact that Krieger, himself, was actually beginning to consider the logistic of it.  
“Well, I mean, if you can cover enough ground fast enough. I guess it would depend on how bad you stunned him. He'd be on the ground for thirty seconds tops, and you'd have that long to get as far away as you could. But then there's the other officer, who isn't incapacitated, and would begin shooting at you right away.”  
Ray looked disgruntled.  
“...Dukes. You're actually right about that. Eh, we'd probably get put away longer for premeditation, I'm pretty sure police cars are wired.”  
“...And you thought it was a good idea to plan an assault on an officer, resisting arrest, and running from law enforcement out loud because...?”  
“Well, we have to be on the same page, here! What good are you to me if you don't know what we're doin'?” Ray replied defensively, shifting and trying to work his way out of the cuffs.  
“Please tell me you're not actually serious.” There was a tone to Krieger's voice that implied that he was hoping against hope that Ray was not.  
“...Well, y'know, I didn't have any good ideas, and now I'm all outta bad ones.” He sighed in reply, giving up his attempt to free himself and sitting still.  
“Not exactly like we can cooperate.”  
“...Which means we're probably going to get arrested.” Krieger finished Ray's grim thought, with a nod.  
“Which totally means that I'll have to convince Pam to bail us out. And then we're gonna get it.” Ray added, leaning against the window. Before he could form another thought, the door suddenly opened and he pitched forward, letting out a startled noise.  
“Okay, stand up.” the officer ordered, dragging him to his feet while his partner beckoned Krieger out from the other side. Ray noticed that he'd gotten the other officer this time, and that the first officer was on the other side, dealing with Krieger. Most likely just as well, there was a good chance Ray would have started mouthing off again, just to see how far he could push him.  
He was surprised when the officer moved to unlock his handcuffs, having fully accepted that neither he nor Krieger were going home that night.  
“You're free to go, as soon as I escort you off the premises.”  
Ray squinted suspiciously at the officer, who was now walking with him, the first officer trailing behind with Krieger, who also looked surprised.  
“...See, y'all couldn't have used anything I said anyhow, because you're not even charging us with anything.” His tone was indignant, and also somewhat smug. The officer just gave him a dry glance.  
“For which you are extremely lucky. Next time, however, you won't be. So I highly suggest there's not a next time.”  
“...There's definitely not gonna be a next time. If that crazy old badger thinks I'm doin' anything like this again...” Ray muttered, trailing off and rubbing his wrist as he watched the officers depart, no doubt thankful to be done dealing with him.  
“...That went a lot better than I pictured it going.” Krieger interrupted his ill thoughts, also watching the two officers leave.  
“He didn't taze you, either...”  
“Yeah, well, we still didn't get what we came for, so...” again, Ray trailed off, shooting Krieger an expectant look.  
“...We're still going to get it.” He finished, with a sigh. Ray nodded.  
“And it's not gonna be pretty.” At that, Ray had the grace to give him an apologetic glance. Mess-ups were frequent, and although Malory put everyone through the ringer for it, her dislike of him made it ten times worse for Ray. No doubt some of that was bound to be directed the German's way.  
“...God, I'm not lookin' forward to listening to her holler about it.” he added, frowning. Krieger suddenly looked like he had an idea of his own.  
“Well, if she's already going to be mad about it, we don't have to go back right now...”  
Ray paused and gave Krieger an appraising look, which for some reason made him insanely happy. He really liked Ray's eyes.  
“I like the way you think.” He agreed.  
“It isn't like it's gonna kill her to wait another twelve hours... Well, actually, it might, but that's beside the point...” Ray trailed off and paused, giving him another cautious glance. There was suddenly a slight shyness about him, which Krieger found endearing. Which was odd, he didn't recall that he had ever really found anything endearing.  
“D'you- d'you want to get coffee...?” Ray asked, a little hopefully. Normally nothing would have interested Krieger less than sitting in some public, pretentious cafe having a meaningless conversation with another person over poorly made, overpriced coffee, but for some reason, at that moment, nothing happened to interest him more. (Which may have had something to do with the fact that it was Ray who was asking.)  
“...Yes. Yes I do.”


End file.
